The conversation of the night moved to favorite movies. Jewel’s favorite genre of movies was romance. John was mocking all of the romantic movies. Jewel, on the fence, defended the movies by expressing her own desires to find love. Surely John wanted love, too?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
“Have you ever been in love?” Jewel asked him.
“Of course!” John blurted out.
Maybe that was too quick of an answer, John thought. He had no filter sometimes.
“When were you in love?” she asked.
John was taken back. He had not expected her to actually follow up the question. He could see the genuine interest in her eyes, which put him at ease. However, he felt he put her on the defense because he lacked the decency to let her expand on her thoughts and love for romantic movies.
“Well, it was a while back. It was a girl. She was the most beautiful woman I thought I had ever seen,” John said. He sat back and put his hands behind his head and looked up towards the night sky. They were on a park bench so comfort was farfetched. He looked over at her expecting her to be impressed.
“Wow, you are just a regular Nicholas Sparks,” Jewel said sarcastically. “I mean the detail you went into about your love. I felt like I was there and really knew her.”
“I know. I think I’ll be the next literary genius.”
She laughed and playfully pushed him.
“You’re a dork,” she said. “Seriously, though, I want to hear about this love.”
John sat up straight. He threw his hands up in the air.
“Well, I got hurt. I don’t want to love again. Love is dangerous. Love is amazing. Most importantly, love hurts,” he said.
Jewel looked at him as if she was saying she was sorry. She didn’t know any other way to react. She felt bad for John. She tried to think of another topic quickly, but she was hooked. She wanted to know why he thought this about love. She had been taught from a young age about love. Love was patient, kind, and slow to anger. She had been hurt, too. She did not give up on love, though. She still feels that her knight in shining armor is out there.
“Love hurts?” she asked.
“Yes, it hurts. I gave everything to a woman years ago, including my love, and she left me for someone else. I tried again with women after her, but things were not the same. I was used up. It’s like I lost my mojo. I can’t grab the attention of the women I want, now. Do you understand?” John asked.
“Yes, I do understand. I was hurt before, too, but that doesn’t make me hate love. Love is beautiful. You can’t just give up on it because of one woman. That’s like giving up on ice cream because one ice cream cone dropped out of your hand and splattered on the ground.” she said. “And furthermore, am I not someone you want?”
John could tell he struck a nerve. He thought Jewel was hot. He wanted her. Who wouldn’t want her is what he wondered. He had to give an answer.
I wish I could take you back to my place right now, John thought. He couldn’t say that. He took a deep breath.
“You are somebody I want. However, I do not have the hopes of love floating around our situation. I know how the world is. Right now, we could be feeling each other, but the closer we grow the more of a chance we are going to get hurt if things don’t lead to marriage.”
“Whoa! Now, that is looking too far down the line. I don’t even know your last name,” Jewel said.
“I know that seems farfetched, but is that not the ultimate goal of dating?” John asked.
Jewel thought for a second. She did have to admit it. Marriage really is the goal. She never really thought of it like that.
“Yeah, I guess it is.” she said.
“So my point is, especially after that little freak out,” he said waving his hands,”we will grow closer and there will be a point where we either break it or make it.”
“Well, I see what you are saying, but if we are the ones for each other, God will show us,” she said.
“Yeah, I beg to differ.”
Jewel looked confused.
“Allow me to elaborate. There are billions of people on this earth. Let’s say we were all Christian. We all believed in one God. We believe that God would show us exactly who our spouse is. However, if you make a mistake and do not hear God correctly, you will get someone else’s spouse and they will get someone else’s spouse and so on and so on. In other words, you screw everyone up. You see, it doesn’t add up to me. I believe it is a choice. I’m sure God can show us our spouse, but most likely we have to figure it out and make a choice,” John said.
Jewel did agree, but also believed that John was not giving God the credit he deserved.
“God will direct us. We have to give relationships to God. Prayerfully consider them if we want God to truly have his hand in the coming together of two people,” Jewel said placing a hand on his.
“I understand you feel that way,” John nodded in agreement, “If you ask if I believe that God is all powerful and knows what is best for us. I would say absolutely. I just think the person you marry is your choice because he designed it that way. We have free will in life and can choose to follow or not follow him, right? So we can choose who we marry.”
Jewel wanted to continue this conversation, but it was getting late.
“Well, I respect your belief,” she said.
John pulled out his phone and saw it was almost midnight.
“Wow, have we really been sitting here for an hour?”
“I know! Time flies, right?” she asked.
They both stood up and brushed off some dirt. John grabbed ahold of her hand and led her to her car. As they walked through the dimly lit park, they dodged duck droppings and remained silent. Nothing more needed to be said. Maybe John would be able to say more on the next date.
I bet she isn’t going to talk to me after tonight, he thought.
Once they reached her car, John wrapped his arms around her waist to give a nice tight hug.
“Well, I had a really nice time,” Jewel said.
“Yeah, sorry if we got too heavy,” John said as he let her go.
“No, it is fine. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I mean this is only our third date. We barely know each other,” she said talking with her hands.
“Like I said, I have been hurt in the past and have a negative outlook on relationships. I mean I have seen so many women talk about what they look for in a guy and they prayerfully consider guys and blah blah blah,” he said. He took a deep breath and let out a big sigh,”I just think women are hypocrites. So are guys, don’t get me wrong. But y’all want guys that are good looking with a good head on the shoulders and make good money but mask it by saying that God just didn’t want you to be with this guy. All because he doesn’t have his life together or he wasn’t good looking enough.”
“Wow, Okay? I thought that we were not going to discuss this any further,” Jewel said opening her door and putting her purse in her passenger seat.
“I don’t know what to tell you, dude. I am sorry you got hurt, but maybe you need to move on and stop blaming women for their decision to not date you. Look at yourself. Do you think you are dateable? Do you think you are deserving of the caliber of woman you are seeking? Just something to think about. Thanks for the dinner,” she said as she dropped into the driver’s seat. She closed the door, cranked up the car, and drove off.
Man, I ain’t texting her again, John thought. He waved as he watched her drive down the road. He turned around and walked to his car.
Time to hit the bar.
John and Jewel happen to be just fictional characters. However, these beliefs are not. There are many people that believe the way each character believes and maybe even a combination.
Therefore, I would like to state my belief.
Before I begin, there is no real point of this story except to show a situation where a man and woman have had a date and it ended on a sour note. Stories are my way of illustrating my beliefs and ideas in an entertaining atmosphere.
Now for your scheduled program.
I am sick and tired of seeing women, especially Christian women, use the saying “if God wants us together”. Listen, lady, God wants a lot of things for you and they are all good, but it is my belief that it is your choice to pick your husband.
Do I believe God can show us who we are supposed to marry? I believe he could. He is all powerful.
I don’t believe he is too busy or anything. However, I believe He gave us His Word to rely upon to help find a mate. So when we ask him, “God should I marry this person? Is he/she the one for me?”, I believe he wants us to look in His Word and to see if that person fits the characteristics.
For women trying to find a man, look at manly characteristics according to the Bible.
Here are some verses to help you.
1 Corinthians 13:11
For men trying to find a woman:
Men have more responsibility in a marriage than women, biblically speaking. They are to show love to their wives as Christ loved the Church.
So what should you take from this?
If you have a desire to be married, you should be married. Some will argue the verse Matthew 19:12. It is really simple, though. If you want to be get married, you find a spouse and get married. Of course, be aware of the unequally yoked scripture. Marriage will pretty painful if you aren’t both on the same page of beliefs. I believe no matter what religion/belief you hold, this is true. There are core beliefs you both need to be on the same page with.
One of the reasons I have this belief is that men and women tend to ask God about a spouse until they find someone they are wildly attracted to and then everything is hunky dory. All of a sudden you don’t need God’s help, which is comical to me. I mean you are attracted to them so they must be the one, right? It’s your choice to make them the one. While God can help if you seek him, I believe he wants you to start in His Word.
This is just a glimpse into what could be a full 12 week study or premarital counseling session.